I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize