mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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