Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize