Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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