Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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