im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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