im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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