are you still at the devil's house?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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