I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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