I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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