we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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