Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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