Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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