i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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