I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize