we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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