Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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