Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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