there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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