Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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