worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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