You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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