i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize