If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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