I'm gonna have a badass scar
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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