Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize