you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize