I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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