i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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