She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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