i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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