forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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