I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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