I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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