Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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