Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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