I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize