I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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