guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize