So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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