just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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