You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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