i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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