It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We left the knife in your bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize