It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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