And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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