I CAN MOONWALK!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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