ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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