I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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