Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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