the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize